It's been a while

This is probably going to be too long, not make much sense to anyone but me and have a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes.  I have a lot to say but my laptop has given up on me so blogging from my iPad and typing faster than I think.

I have been keeping away from my blog because I am not "in a very good place" with myself and have been thinking anything I write will come across negative.  Well I have now reminded myself that this blog is mine for me to express myself and my WW journey, for me to help myself put things into perspective and to hopefully make me feel better at the end of it, so here goes.

I am having a few bad weeks, not been able to focus on what's coming next, so when the next day or the next meal arrives I'm not ready.  Why ? I have no idea, wish I did and I could do something about it.  Then in the vicious circle I spend time trying to work out why, thinking things through too much and making myself worse.  I spend too much time trying to psycho analyse myself, i laugh at this as Alan says i analyse everything and everybody lol.I don't find many answers though so have come to the conclusion thinking is bad for you.  Then i make Food my comfort which is the last thing that will make me feel better long term.  

Alan is my rock, he is my everything and when I am falling apart he is the arms that hold me together.  He is doing so well on his diet, now 21lb gone, but when i am not focussing on me, I am also not focussing on his diet.  So mixed into the too much thinking I am having a little guilt trip that I am letting him down.  Wrong I know, and if he reads this he will tell me otherwise but you can't help the way you feel.   

Then, as if this isn't all enough, I think I have jeopardised my column with WW, I am not comfortable with the direction they would like to go in, and thought hard about keeping quiet about it as I really want to continue with it, but then realised if it wasn't my thoughts, feelings and opinions then all it is is my name and picture.  Fingers crossed they will call on me for the next month, I don't like to feel like a failure and want everything to be a success, it's a waiting game that is preying on my mind, again too much thinking .

I want to share my Dolittle's Diary as I feel it is the best way to show the real life journey of a weight watcher, my journey is different every month, actually every week and I am mostly inspired with new ideas to keep it fresh and new.  Or it's can be a long boring journey.  I think I may even add a tab to here for my daily diaries ..... There's a thought ( oh no more thinking)

I follow and believe in The Secret, following your dreams, believe anything is possible.  For me I am a magnet, how I am is how life is, takes some explaining but in short if I am negative, if I think bad thoughts and if I am complaining about things, then like a magnet I am attracting more of those things. Because I believe in this so much I am giving myself a hard time for being negative so have spent this week turning my thoughts around, which I believe has led me back to blogging and knowing it will all be ok.

Until now I haven't talked about this much but for those that do know or have realised, then I am grateful for the support, concern and friendship.  It's been lovely, thank you x x

As for my new WW family on Facebook, the support there is amazing, lots of people that understand how hard it is to stick to WW let alone when your not feeling your best.  I too thank you for your encouragement and support, you will know who you are x x

Now to get back to what's important, I had lost sight of my aim, to be happy, healthy and to get to goal.  No more worrying about what people think about me, my story or my weight loss.

I AM BACK, I WILL DO THIS, WATCH THIS SPACE

THANK YOU x x x 

A little insight into The Secret 

Diet On A Budget

The week before payday is always a diet challenge for me, cupboards are starting to look a bit empty and its time to spread what you have left in them over the last few days.  Not the option of having what you would like but having whats left. 

It's like a crossroads though, you either go down the road of eating whatever is in the house and when you gain at the scales you blame it on not having the right things in the house to be good

OR

You make the best of what you have and still count it all. 

Too many times I have taken the first road, telling myself I will have to wait til payday to refill the cupboards with all the low point, healthy goodies to keep me on track.  What that really means is all the low point snacks that I have extra to my normal meals, or the branded goods that are often twice the price but the same pro points.

Well not this time, I will prove that I can lose weight without spending a fortune. don't get me wrong its a challenge as I don't care what anyone says, being good, for me at least, is more expensive. Fruit being a perfect example, being a zero hero, i would love to keep refilling the fruit bowl but to have a nice variety is proving costly.  Yes if i was able to shop around, or maybe go to a market I would ind cheaper items but I work full time to finding extra time to go around different shops is tricky.

I find that the lower pointed items are the ones made by big brands so then you pay more for them. This of course tends to be for convenience foods, if cooking a recipe from scratch, using fresh ingredients can keep the costs down, but again I don't always have time to venture into the kitchen as much as I would like, so convenience foods it sometimes has to be.

I am going to make it a mini mission to try and cut my food bill without effecting my weight loss over the next few weeks, saving for our summer holidays is a great incentive to save a few pennies. 

I won a Weight Watchers Smart Cook Book last week through the Twitter feeds so will look forward to it arriving and hopefully it will help me with my cooking on a budget.

The hardest bit will be cutting back on my terrible addiction for Diet Pepsi / Coke.  I drink far too much and don't even want to work out how much I spend on it.  I am sure someone once told me too much sweetener can slow down your weight loss, or maybe i just imagined it but i know too much caffeine isn't good for me so I am also going to try and cut down on this. 

So simply,  I am hoping to Lose Lbs while Saving £'s. 

I like a challenge x